Happy Christmas

                                            What I saw when I went to clock in yesterday

                                                             My Assistant Manager


I was told to clock in as soon as possible.  It was 12:30 pm...it was her and the Receiver to deal with the annoying grumpy holiday shoppers.  There was one call off and no one would fill in despite claims of everyone wanting more hours. My ASM had been at work since 6 am to put out the freight truck.  The whole freight team went home.  She didn't get a lunch until 1:30 pm.  Neither did the Princess. 

At 1:30 another manager clocked in.  At 3, the Princess clocked out. 

My ASM was nice enough to stay so Brian and I could also have a lunch.  Then she left.

No less than THREE employees called during grumpy, mad customer time to find out when they worked next.  I put them on hold indefinitely.  My lines were in excess of ten people at certain times.  I had customers asking me questions from the clothing department WHILE I had lines in excess of ten people and I watched Brian run to and fro dealing with load outs, customer service, and legitimate customer phone calls. Not one of the employees calling for their schedule would bother to come in to help out.  They also didn't seem to be bothered that they were on hold indefinitely because we didn't have TIME to deal with their bullshit.  The schedules have been posted for THREE WEEKS!!!!

Once Brian and I finally got a breather, I suggested that we refuse to tell anyone when they work unless the schedule hasn't been posted ahead of time and just hand out write ups when they don't show up for work.  I work with adults.  I believe every single person is at least 20 years old.  Old enough for some accountability.

The call off was legitimate.  Jason's mom had fallen and broken a wrist.  He had to go to the ER. She's in her seventies.

There was one hour with sales in excess of $2,500 and NO BIG TICKET ITEMS.  This means I was a very busy girl taking off ink tags and throwing away hangers. 40 transactions per hour doesn't sound like much until its only one register and every customer comes up to it with some or several articles of clothing that need extra fussing over.

The store finally closed.  I took the cash drawers back to the office and began counting.  Brian drove the stupid Massimo around back and parked it in the back room.

And then, more fun.

The garage door we use to get the forklift in and out of the building would not close.  It broke. A brand new, one month old door broke.  The manual over ride was no help.

We called in the other ASM who is on loan to us while we are Manager-less.  He also fails to get the door closed.  He calls the service number on the door.  The company is located in some town none of us have ever heard of and an emergency service call is $800.  The reason the door won't go down is some mechanism inside the roll has jammed it up. 

After 45 minutes of fiddling, it miraculously closes. The boys paint a sign that says not to open the back door. 

My husband was nice enough to buy me a fifth of vodka once I made it home.

Wonder how today will go with no back door or forklift?

This Week in Retail

These things happened.

1. I watched an Assistant Manager sniff an electric heater and declare that it smelled "yummy." Smelled like a heater to me...worse, I had to smell it to see if, indeed, it did smell "yummy."

2.  I watched a co-worker inflate an inflatable deer toy....and the valve stem was between the deer's back legs...there was no foot pump included.  I just looked up and there was her head between a deer's back legs. Ummmm...wow...I thought this was a family oriented company?  She asked me what I thought...I said "I think it looks like you're blowing a deer."  No sure what else I could possibly think.

3.  Aforementioned Assistant Manager then told a different co worker to "Make sure all the balls are hanging to the left."  Ummm?  What the fuck?  Turned out there are Santa hats over the signage in the clothing department and he wanted them all hanging to the left...yep...wow.   I never would have guessed.

4. A customer spent four hours in a Tractor Supply Company store. Yep. Really. She arrived when I did, and left four hours later...midway through my shift with an overflowing cart full of clearance junk and a hitch packer. No idea what exactly took four hours to look at...but...um...wow.  I have a hard time killing four hours in there and I work there.

5. The Spurminator made an appearance to drop off something for a customer and berated employees' forklift skills. Um, sir?  I know a few tales about your mad forklift skills.  You took down the flaps at the back door with a forklift.  And you encouraged someone to move three tons of feed stacked vertically with a forklift and the ensuing disaster made the back aisle wall come down.  Umm...two tons is pushing it on that thing..it gets really light in the rear end...and that's the drive end.  So let's not talk shit.  The worst most of  us have done is ripped open a random bag and gotten the thing stuck in weird places, not brought down a wall with feed pallets.

6.  An Assistant Manager and I raided the Princess' secret food stash. Yep.  She has a file cabinet drawer FULL of cookies and assorted goodies.  Apparently she is constantly eating....PLUS she has the break room fridge full of things with her name on them.  Wonder if she's counted her cookies?  Assistant Manager seemed to believe they were quite yummy!  He also nomed a block of cheese cloaked in a  bagel wrapper that had her name on it.

Pre Black Friday Idiots

Getting ready for Black Friday is always a nuisance of tired aching muscles, annoying customers, and a giant ad to set.  This week has been just awful.

Irritated man on the phone:  Can you tell me why your doors are locked?
John H:  Yes, we closed forty five minutes ago, sir.
Idiot on phone:   The sign on the door says you close at 9.

Now, we had just put up signs indicating that our store would be closed for Thanksgiving and that extended holiday hours would start Saturday, November 24 and that we would then be open from 8 am until 9 pm Monday thru Saturday and that we would be open 8-8 on Sunday. 

John H:  That starts this Saturday, sir
Idiot says huffily:  Well, I drove a half an hour.
John H: I'm sorry, sir but we are closed.

What he should have said in response to the original question: TO KEEP PEOPLE LIKE YOU OUT!

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Otherwise I've been having fun telling people "NO" this week.  Corporate clearly states that we are to allow no early sales, holds or otherwise on this particular ad, either for the regular sale items or the Black Friday items.

Customer: Will  you hold a gunsafe in the ad for me?
Me:  No. First come, first serve on all ad items this week. Especially the Black Friday ones. We open at 6 am Black Friday. Good luck.  Otherwise, rain checks will be available.

Rude Man with a cart full of black oil sunflower seeds and suet.
Me: Sir, those items are Black Friday only items.
Rude Man: Your ad was not very clear.
I show him the ad with letters in big, bold print and an ARROW that reads BLACK FRIDAY ONLY INSERT:   Seems pretty clear to me, sir.  I can sell it to you today, but I can't honor the price without getting fired.
Rude Man abandons cart in a huff.

I think illiteracy in America must be on the rise.  Or stupid is...or both. Yes, you can buy your precious bird seed at a low, low price, but you have to brave the hoards to do it.

I mean, what do these people think about?  Yes, if I am rude and mean to the cashier she will magically throw away her job just to humor me? Ummmm...no...the cashier will just make fun of you to every person she works with and, even, some other customers. Oh, yes, we do.  So if it makes you feel like a big man to yell at a minimum wage employee I hope you know there is lots of anger and unwillingness to serve you the next time you enter a store...I have even been known to make your wait much longer than it needs to be...because...oh, yes, I do remember you.

Customers suck.

Customers suck.

Crazy pony tailed lady yelled at me for the company NOT selling a whole hay bale hay bag a few days ago. Today, when all the other customers were yelling at me for things that were NOT my fault, she was nice to me.

I was yelled at because Scott answered a phone call and didn't tell someone that he was going, at some point, to leave.  Twice.  Then discovered that the "Scott" they had spoken with was really Brian...and of course, they didn't apologize for yelling even when I was nice enough to pick up the phone and apologize for the manager taking so long to get their phone call and that they were next.

The best customer I had today was a former employee. He had a rooster riding shotgun in his passenger seat.  Miss you, Scott Y.

Trapping Guinea Pigs

Caller:  I was told TSC sells guinea pig traps.

Me: Guinea pig traps? 

Caller (Sounds like he's 70 years old): Yep.

Me: The store has mole traps but I have never heard of guinea pig traps.

Caller:  Well, I'm sure glad I didn't drive out there, then.

I had customers in line at the cash register snickering while hearing my end of the conversation.  I only wondered if this guy was breeding guinea pigs (like on some screwed up episode of Hoarders) and they somehow escaped and infested his house.  Who has a guinea pig problem?  Far as I know they aren't native to Michigan and they probably wouldn't over winter well without human intervention.

                                               
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And, then, a lady asked me about chicken feed for "senior chickens." I told her I'd never heard of such a thing. She told me we have a bag back in the feed runs that says to feed it to "Older Birds."  I kind of think the bag means over 12 weeks of age as "older," meaning they are of laying age.  She then tells me she has pet chickens who are 5-7 years of age and she doesn't mind if they don't lay, they'll just go ahead and die in her coop. Ummm....ooookay.  Fine.  Maybe this woman should invest in a dog.  But, maybe she knows something I don't know and walks her aged chickens?  Dunno. I suppose its possible.  I always enjoy when people are really worried and genuinely care for their animals, but, chickens, to me, are for food.  They just aren't that bright and they're not fun to pet.

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I also had a lady of short but stubby stature who asked me, quite reasonably, to wrangle a pair of boots out of the top stock for her so she could try them on.  She kept insisting the boots were Men's boots, so, I though, eh, maybe she has abnormally large feet? Whatever...and, then, she points to the box....its a pair of teal Justin cowGIRL boots.  I explain to her that they are a size 8 M WOMEN'S boot.  She gets quite flustered and tells me she can't wear medium width boots. No problem. We just don't sell wide width cowgirl boots.    She wants me to order them in. Ordinarily, no problem. However, they are on CLEARANCE. It's a no go.  I suggested she try the website as it probably has a larger size selection and also suggested she try the Justin website.   She was just sooooo disappointed I felt awful.  But, I still can't believe she'd think a man would be caught dead in those boots.  I'm sure a percentage of men would LOVE those boots....BUT none of them would be caught dead in TSC.

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All in all, it was a slow week. Wait until the full moon!

Emperor Palpatine Has a Squirrel Problem

Scott Y told me I should write a blog. I told him I do.  Then I decided I should probably dedicate a blog JUST to working in retail--because that sounds logical and organized--even though I am neither--it does keep work and actual LIFE separate which sounds nice. Humane, even.

So then, there's this blog.

Got yelled at today by a very very old man because one cash register had a line (in which he was next) and the other was closed because a shift had ended and the money was gone.

                                                        Not him;but a close facsimile.


The relatively new cashier was having issues with a check.  I was trying to help her figure out what the computer was up to.

Emperor Palpatine wanted to buy squirrel repellent because squirrels are apparently evil and eating his house down and he didn't want to actually harm any squirrels. That's what he told one of the other new hires when he suggested a pellet gun. 

                                                        This would be more effective.


The Emperor complained that he had cash in hand and wanted to buy the repellent. I told him the cash drawer was empty. gestured to the open drawer with NO money inside, and explained that I wouldn't be able to make change.

And, suddenly, Emperor Palpatine became something else entirely.  He stewed when his wife tried to explain how I couldn't help.

                                  I think I need to print a bunch of these up and stick them to people.



And, just when the register freed up---he grabbed his wife by the hand and stormed out the door, leaving the anti-squirrel goods behind on the counter.

                 He would have marked his territory if he'd felt the need to pee, I'm sure.



There is just no way to make some people happy, no matter how logical, courteous, or nice the delivery.

                                                    May the force be with you, squirrels.