Trapping Guinea Pigs

Caller:  I was told TSC sells guinea pig traps.

Me: Guinea pig traps? 

Caller (Sounds like he's 70 years old): Yep.

Me: The store has mole traps but I have never heard of guinea pig traps.

Caller:  Well, I'm sure glad I didn't drive out there, then.

I had customers in line at the cash register snickering while hearing my end of the conversation.  I only wondered if this guy was breeding guinea pigs (like on some screwed up episode of Hoarders) and they somehow escaped and infested his house.  Who has a guinea pig problem?  Far as I know they aren't native to Michigan and they probably wouldn't over winter well without human intervention.

                                               
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And, then, a lady asked me about chicken feed for "senior chickens." I told her I'd never heard of such a thing. She told me we have a bag back in the feed runs that says to feed it to "Older Birds."  I kind of think the bag means over 12 weeks of age as "older," meaning they are of laying age.  She then tells me she has pet chickens who are 5-7 years of age and she doesn't mind if they don't lay, they'll just go ahead and die in her coop. Ummm....ooookay.  Fine.  Maybe this woman should invest in a dog.  But, maybe she knows something I don't know and walks her aged chickens?  Dunno. I suppose its possible.  I always enjoy when people are really worried and genuinely care for their animals, but, chickens, to me, are for food.  They just aren't that bright and they're not fun to pet.

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I also had a lady of short but stubby stature who asked me, quite reasonably, to wrangle a pair of boots out of the top stock for her so she could try them on.  She kept insisting the boots were Men's boots, so, I though, eh, maybe she has abnormally large feet? Whatever...and, then, she points to the box....its a pair of teal Justin cowGIRL boots.  I explain to her that they are a size 8 M WOMEN'S boot.  She gets quite flustered and tells me she can't wear medium width boots. No problem. We just don't sell wide width cowgirl boots.    She wants me to order them in. Ordinarily, no problem. However, they are on CLEARANCE. It's a no go.  I suggested she try the website as it probably has a larger size selection and also suggested she try the Justin website.   She was just sooooo disappointed I felt awful.  But, I still can't believe she'd think a man would be caught dead in those boots.  I'm sure a percentage of men would LOVE those boots....BUT none of them would be caught dead in TSC.

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All in all, it was a slow week. Wait until the full moon!

Emperor Palpatine Has a Squirrel Problem

Scott Y told me I should write a blog. I told him I do.  Then I decided I should probably dedicate a blog JUST to working in retail--because that sounds logical and organized--even though I am neither--it does keep work and actual LIFE separate which sounds nice. Humane, even.

So then, there's this blog.

Got yelled at today by a very very old man because one cash register had a line (in which he was next) and the other was closed because a shift had ended and the money was gone.

                                                        Not him;but a close facsimile.


The relatively new cashier was having issues with a check.  I was trying to help her figure out what the computer was up to.

Emperor Palpatine wanted to buy squirrel repellent because squirrels are apparently evil and eating his house down and he didn't want to actually harm any squirrels. That's what he told one of the other new hires when he suggested a pellet gun. 

                                                        This would be more effective.


The Emperor complained that he had cash in hand and wanted to buy the repellent. I told him the cash drawer was empty. gestured to the open drawer with NO money inside, and explained that I wouldn't be able to make change.

And, suddenly, Emperor Palpatine became something else entirely.  He stewed when his wife tried to explain how I couldn't help.

                                  I think I need to print a bunch of these up and stick them to people.



And, just when the register freed up---he grabbed his wife by the hand and stormed out the door, leaving the anti-squirrel goods behind on the counter.

                 He would have marked his territory if he'd felt the need to pee, I'm sure.



There is just no way to make some people happy, no matter how logical, courteous, or nice the delivery.

                                                    May the force be with you, squirrels.