An hour or so later, an older lady, a younger lady and a girl child approach me about dog harnesses. They are insistent that I somehow ascertain whether the largest dog harness would fit a mini pig. I direct the ladies to the measurements on the package, explain just exactly HOW the harness would fit on the animal, and tell them that unless they know the measurement of the pig's girth that I cannot tell them for certain if the largest harness we sell would fit the pig in question.
The store is, of course, full of people at the moment, and I scurry off on my next errand, thinking that the ladies had at least half a brain between them and could handle the question of the harness on their own.
Unfortunately, I was wrong. The next question I field is where the pig food is located. I direct the ladies to the aisle, and, as I am with another customer at the moment, leave it at that. They, of course, are apparently illiterate and once again ask me where the pig food is. I lead them TO THE BAG, point to the bag, and when the ladies STILL appear to be clueless, I tell them quite snarkily, with a big smile on my face that its the bag with the picture of the pig printed on the front. They do not notice I am questioning their intelligence.
The ladies then tell me that they are pig sitting while someone is out of town and need a pig brush and some water and food bowls. I tell them quite honestly that I don't know much about pigs having never owned any and that I would assume they would want to use a soft brush on a pig because their skin is more close to human skin than almost any other animal. As for food and water dishes, I would assume a pig isn't going to be too finicky about what it eats from as long as it can get its snoot in there, all should be good.
I then hear a page that some one needs a load out, someone needs this, someone needs that. I take off to address some of these new pages. The phone is also ringing incessantly because all of us are busy with customers. I think these folks can handle this debacle of food and water dishes on their own.
I finally escape from the phones and loading things and decide I am going to sneak off and go to lunch because I'm getting cranky from all the dumb questions and absolute lazy idiots who somehow need bags loaded into their cars and yet they all have 6,000 horses or chickens. Who feeds these animals? Do they just open up the car/suv/truck and let them nom off the floor/bed so they don't have to unload bags?
I head up to the register to buy something while I am clocked out and here come these damn Pig People again. I am just in line waiting my turn, the phone is still ringing off the hook, all three lines going, and this woman seriously can't figure out what kind of bowl to put pig food in. She's talking to me, I tell her that the water bowl should be larger, because its water and animals generally need more water than food, the phone is just making me so mad I could spit, so I grab it to shut it up, answer the call, put the guy on hold, explain politely to the woman, that I'm at lunch and not on the clock anymore and she rolls her eyes at me.
I then think I should just run her over with the hi lo, but go about buying my stuff and heading to the break room for lunch. Meanwhile, the Pig People have cornered my manager who is explaining things in much the same way I had already explained and he then asks me about pig brushes. And I say, well, I'm sorry but I already told the ladies that I didn't know much about pigs and that a softer bristled one would probably be best and that I am at lunch.
I clock back in after lunch and my manager is chain-smoking out the back door and sighing because the Pig People were irritating to him, as well. I tell him that if these ladies are pig sitting, why don't they ask the pig's owner all the specifics and why isn't the owner supplying food, brushes, dishes, leashes, whatever the pig will need?
It just sounds weird. I know if I am dog-sitting I want the food the dog is currently on and any and all pertinent information such as can the dog be left alone without pissing on my floor for up to 10 hours? If not, you may have to find another dog sitter because I am at work for a long time during the day.
My friend Ruth suggested that the pig-napped a mini pig and that is why they are so clueless. I begin to believe she is one hundred percent accurate.
I had thought we had seen the last of the Pig People. No, of course not.
Today, the Pig People were back with a vengeance.
I was asked if we sold Pig Lotion. When I informed the Pig People that the only balms/lotions we sold were Dairy Mint, Bag Balm and Udder Delight back in the pharmaceuticals aisle and Working Hands up at the register they looked a bit miffed. I, for one, have no idea what Pig Lotion is. I assume they are wanting to slather lotion on this poor pig.
The Pig People then went on their way, and I went on mine. Yes!!! ESCAPE!!!
But not for long. Yenkel happened upon the Pig People and they were inquiring about pig veterinarians. Yenkel told them he didn't know of any veterinarians that specialized in pigs. And I told them I only knew of Dr. Hermann who mostly specializes in dogs and cats but that usually they are trained a little bit in all animals. This, of course, didn't satisfy.
I went on my merry way....
Come to find out the PIG PEOPLE had asked EVERYONE in the store including the new girl whose first day was today and Pam was training at the register.
I merely said, "Did you see?" to my manager and he shook his head and said, "Oh, yes, they were asking more weird questions for the pig they are babysitting."
