I should have my work schedule plotted by moon phases. I admit I have no idea what moon phase we are in at this second, but its a hangnail looking phase instead of the usual full moon phase I already know brings out the weirdos. I have been known to request full moon days off.
Today, I walked to the register to relieve Pam for her break, and a woman brandishing a clear plastic vial asks us to play "Name That Parasite." Yep. She has vial with worms inside it. I refused to play along, because we do not have or sell fecal testing kits...also, what if I was wrong and she treats her dog for the WRONG parasite? I suggested she seek a vet for their expert opinion. Pam immediately volunteers our Asst. Manager to play the guessing game. I couldn't relay to Pam why I didn't want to play the game without the customer overhearing. ASM plays along and diagnoses a tapeworm. I don't know whether the woman stole the worm meds or we were out of them, but she didn't buy any.
I later run into a man who is returning Carharrt bibs. The crotch zipper is broken. He has his receipt and we offer to exchange them, despite the selection being very picked over. He starts going through the bibs and begins sighing that we don't have the size he needs in black, he's very specific that it needs to be black...because his coat is black. The bibs we are returning are encrusted with mud, so I didn't think he'd be very picky what color he could get so long as he was warm while playing in the mud. But he keeps whining about them needing to be black. He finally selects a pair of Artic lined and bitches that they are more expensive. I tell him that he had bought the defective Carhartts at full price and that the entire selection is now 30% off so they would be the same price. It took some doing to convince him of this. I don't understand....be warm...and mismatched---or cold and miserable--really---what breed of idiot is this man?
Near closing time, I run into a lady who expounded quite psychotically about why she likes to pay for things in cash. Not the usual reasons, I'm afraid. Oh, no...she likes to use cash because our bank accounts and our Social Security numbers and our health insurance is all linked due to Obama Care...in some weird gobbledygook scheme that is possibly true, but I couldn't follow the line of reasoning. And that ultimately the government wants to ban all cash transactions so they can better control us all. So, if I do something radical, the government can determine whether I can buy food or not and just close or freeze my access to money. Okay, that part made some kind of sense...but I don't think the American people are ever going to stand for not having a cash option. However, I'd like to have heard her expound on the cash back option and why, then, the government is allowing THAT. And I'd like to have her her explain then, how SHE would buy or sell anything if cash were BANNED and the use of it a felony. I'm sure she couldn't barter her body for anything unless it was to a real freak. She then proceeded to ask Amber K and I if we were religious. I didn't reply. Amber said she Believes. The crazy then asked us to read some passage or other in Revelation...about not being able to buy and sell things and it being the end times...I thought about asking what this mean to Atheists...but thought better of it as I was tired of her brand of crazy at this point.
Amber and I shared a look...and after the lady walked out the door, Amber made an incredulous face and said "No wonder you said you were fine at the registers because you were entertaining yourself."
Yep. All the people were crazies today.
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