First I go to the register to help a guy locate some garden composters that are outside in the sidelot in plain sight but he couldn't find them, so I take him to them and since all the composters were priced, I thought that would be that unless he wanted me to load one in his car. No. He then asked how much they were "On Sale." I said that I didn't realize they were on sale, so let's go to the register and find out. I ask the Shitty One to type in the catalog number and, turns out the small composters are "On Sale" and the larger model he is interested in is still full price. He yells at us and walks out the front door. Fine. Awesome. I can totally control when corporate wants to run sales and which items corporate decides to put on sale. If I were that powerful lots of things would change in this particular company. Lots.
In the meantime I sell the ugliest trailer out front, dented, rusty, you name it, ugly, for $100 off (even though sometimes they go on sale for that price) and the guy was happy with me for taking $100 less out of his pocket and pulled away with no issues.
Brian is helping a man find out if a particular Cub Cadet mower can mow in reverse because the man who wants to buy it is pretty much completely paralyzed on the left side. Cub Cadet has the most unhelpful website ever.
Shitty One wants a break, Yeah, sure, fine, she's due and she hasn't been bugging me. So I give her a break.
Blonde Bimbo with raspy voice calls and wants to know if we are hiring. (I happen to know who this woman is by her voice because she's been trying to get hired at our store for 2.5 years. There's a reason she's not getting calls back.) Won't get off the phone even though I tell her we've just hired several people and that if she wants to fill out an app and bring it in, she can. Says she talked to our former manager who has been gone ages and ages. I totally don't care. Just hang up, lady, I've got a line, I'm ringing people out and you won't shut the hell up. If our former manager didn't even want to hire you, our new one really won't.
My line backs up, I have a guy waiting for a load out and I can tell he's in worse shape than usual. He's visibly shaking so no, I don't expect him to load his own pine shavings or even go retrieve them. The man is probably in his 70s. I page the Shitty One in hopes that she'll hear me and ask her to come in off her break. Nope. I page Brian even though I know he's still working on that lawnmower.
About the time Brian appears the Shitty One appears and they each grab a bag of shavings and help out the old timer. I get the line down.
Then some guy wants me to find him a lawnmower blade. I do. Then he wants me to find him a sparkplug but he doesn't know which sparkplug he needs. He doesn't even know which weedwhacker he owns when I ask. He asks if I can take apart the weedwhacker and tell him. I say no, we don't do that here, which is true, especially when we are busy, if we were slow I may have considered taking the time to deal with it. "Oh," he says, "I have the tools at home." I tell him we don't have the tools in the store. I'm sure we do, but we are selling them and I'll be damned if I'm going to be sucked into his madness.
Another customer wants me to order him a muffler for a Ford. Okay, I say, "What model Ford and which year?" The muffler catalog is really simple, sometimes years go into big chunks of say 30 or more years. He says it's a 4 cylinder Ford. Okay, but there are lots of those listed for all different types of mufflers with different size holes. He then looks at dimensions in the catalog when I ask again which model and year. He finds one he thinks he likes. I show him the corresponding muffler, which I have in stock. Nope, he says, its too small. "Sir," I say, "I'm sorry but without knowing which model Ford and the year it was made there is nothing I can do for you." He doesn't like that answer but doesn't give up and seeks out our manager who tells him the same thing.
I think I am going to reply to all stupid questions with:
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